Common Myths About Ministry

“I feel called to ministry.”

That statement alone will spur all sorts of reactions. Some will compliment you for being so selfless and holy, others will be confused how ministry can actually lead to a paid position. And a remnant may even tell you, “NO, DON’T DO IT, IT’S A TRAP!!!!!”

Although I have only been a pastor’s wife for about a year now, I have been active in ministry positions for my whole life. As a 22 year old, my experience is very limited, but after speaking with several seasoned ministers, I seem to get the same message: there are so many preconceptions about ministry that can lead to hurt and burnout.

For me, when I first told my family I was marrying a pastor, they were of course ecstatic, but they also warned me that life in the church spotlight was not going to be easy. So many facets of leadership in ministry are just swept under the rug because they aren’t popular or feel good topics–BUT, if we address these facets early on, so much confusion and chaos can be prevented.

As Kay Warren puts it, leadership positions in ministry are truly “sacred privileges.” They are the opportunities of a lifetime, and if you’re under the right leadership and counsel, ministry positions can be life-changing in the best of ways. However, the upsides of ministry do not eliminate the fact that ministry is at times grueling and heart-wrenching. Much like marriage, if we step into a ministry position with only pictures of rainbows and smiles and perfection, we will be GREATLY surprised by the realities that await us on the other side. So, YES, ministry is incredible and vital and life-giving, but we have to be aware of the myths that surround this topic.

MYTH #1. Taking a ministry position will solve ALL of my problems.

If the only reason you decide to take a leadership position in ministry is because you think it will solve your whole life, YIKES. Try again. If you don’t deal with past hurts and hang ups before taking a position, they will follow you into that position—and that will eventually not only hurt you more, but it will hurt the outcome of your ministry. We see this concept clearly with corrupt religious leaders in the Bible. Jesus called them “whitewashed tombs” (Matthew 23:27). Sure, they had a great title and their whole life was supposed to be dedicated to ministry, but because their hearts were still filthy, it bled into how they treated people and how they viewed God. Slapping on a label of “worship pastor” or “small group leader” or “outreach pastor” does NOT instantly clean up any remaining addictions, thoughts of unforgiveness, bitterness, or shame. Only the redeeming power found in the resurrection of Christ can do that.

I was strongly encouraged by a few mentors to complete an intense self-inventory before I married my husband. I wanted God to reveal to me the hidden ugly parts of my heart that needed to go, because I did not want to carry any hurtful roots into my marriage or ministry. Becoming a pastor’s wife did not automatically change every negative aspect of my walk with God. No leadership position, no matter how holy or selfless, can do that.

For this reason, your ministry position can not be your entire identity. It’s an outpouring of the gifts and strengths God has given you, but you are his child and his servant first. Ministry positions are incredible and can lead to a lot of self realization. They are especially incredible when we know God had them planned for us all along. But they are not God himself, so they do not belong on the throne of our hearts.

MYTH #2. There is no room for weakness in ministry. 

To this, I say politely: BULL.

First and foremost, scripture does not agree with this point in the slightest: ‘“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NRSV) Furthermore, a ministry position does not mean you are not a human being. Life happens. We lose people, we go through heartache, we get stressed out. In the book of Psalms, we see David voice his weaknesses to God openly on several occasions, and we all know how strong of a leader he was as a king and a commander.

IT IS OKAY TO BE VULNERABLE. It is okay to admit to a mentor that you are struggling with something and need help. Otherwise, we risk letting our hearts and spirits rot as our struggle continues to eat at us. Pretending that we have it all together for the sole reason of proving to a congregation or church team that we are righteous enough for a job is ludicrous. A little more genuineness in the Church would go a LONG way.

It is also important to note here that mental illness is incredibly common in today’s pastors. Why? I think a major reason is because they take on so much responsibility and pressure and feel as though they cannot so much as breathe incorrectly without being berated by someone else OR by themselves. So they battle silently while their minds and bodies dwindle away.

Mental illness is not a sin. NO MATTER what others may say. We have to be willing to swallow our pride or fear and get professional help when we realize we are truly suffering. Most importantly, we have to remember to depend on God in all aspects of our lives. We will never EVER be able to offer enough of ourselves to reach perfection in our roles of ministry. BUT, we can depend on the One who gave us our gifts in the first place in order to thrive.

MYTH #3. Rest is an option. 

Aaaaand here we introduce everyone’s favorite buzz word: self-care. Self-care is not an option in ministry; it’s a necessity. Without it, burnout is inevitable. Now, self-care is not indulging in our favorite foods to the point of gluttony every day or drowning ourselves in debt in the name of retail therapy. It is taking steps toward bettering ourselves by giving our bodies, minds, and spirits appropriate outlets of relief. Prayer is vital here. After a long day of ministry, we see that Jesus would go by himself far away to PRAY. After Jesus was tempted in the wilderness after fasting for forty days, angels came to minister to him. We HAVE to revitalize ourselves by staying connected in communication with God on a regular basis. It’s also important to realize that the Sabbath is still so pertinent to our faith. I think it’s so dangerous for leaders in ministry to think the Sabbath is an option when it is very clearly a command. If God could stand to rest for a whole day, I think we can handle it as well. I understand that the actual Sabbath “day” may be different for certain people (Sunday’s are the farthest thing from my Sabbath-I am constantly going!), but one day of the week has to serve this purpose. Otherwise you are asking for your body to run down and your motivation and passions to disappear.

I recently went on a mini vacation with my husband, and for the first day or so, I felt so guilty for not being home working on church tasks. God revealed to me, however, that these feelings were only tactics of the enemy to rob me of my much needed rest. Trust me- God will not strike you with lightning if you decide to get away to rejuvenate. In fact, he desires for us to recharge on a regular basis!!

I know these myths may seem to emphasize the negative sides of ministry, but that is not my intention. Ministry is incredible. Watching people have a revelation of who God is and what he has done for them is priceless. The fact that we get to be God’s vessels, even though we are indeed broken vessels, is something worth standing in awe of. We are so imperfect, but he chooses to use us to show Christ to others. Ministry is so great. It’s imperative in sharing the Gospel. But we cannot idealize or idolize ministry positions to the point that we view them holier than God himself.

Positions are only labels. The whole world can look at us and “oooh” and “ahh” at our spiritual accomplishments and victories, but we have a very VERY important audience of one who is looking past all of that into our hearts. It is our choice in this life who we want to please.

When You Don’t Know.

Have you ever been in a class that caused you to completely zone out? Maybe you were thinking about the new restaurants opening in town (personal experience), or the restaurants closing in town (long live Long John Silver’s), and then all of the sudden, the professor calls on you to answer a question. YIKES. You know that any answer you give will be absolutely 100% wrong. But you also know that maybe you could come up with a random answer that is surrounded by big words and hopeful phrases, and although it would be wrong, at least you wouldn’t look like a COMPLETE idiot. Or you could do the more embarrassing and MORTIFYING thing and admit, “I don’t know.”

This is even harder to do when your friends and family start asking you what you want to do with your life. Have you ever heard, “So, what are your plans after graduation?” and everything inside you starts to cringe because you really don’t have an answer for that? You want to give them a concrete response because that’s what they expect, but in reality, you have no idea.

Why is it hard to admit that we don’t know? Why do we try to pretend on the outside that we have the answers when we know FOR SURE we definitely do not have them? Or why do we become so tense and anxious when we realize we don’t have everything perfectly planned out? Personally, I think it’s a trust issue.

When we admit that we don’t have answers, we are admitting that we don’t know it all. (GAH WHAT A SURPRISE.) Although deep down we are aware of this fact, it’s hard to openly confess this in front of people we want to impress. So, when a question comes up that we don’t have the answer to, we dodge it and change the subject as quickly as possible.

These “unknown” areas of our lives can be our greatest downfalls or our greatest successes. We can decide to become insecure and stressed about what we don’t have the answers to, or we can decide to USE these areas of weakness as other avenues to trust God in.

Think of Abraham. In Genesis 12, God tells him to pick up his things, leave his family, and go to the land that He would show him. The big question that could be asked here is “Where was Abraham going?” And I’m sure a lot of people asked him that question as he was packing his things to leave everything he had ever known. And you know what Abraham had to respond with? He didn’t know. He was only acting off of what God spoke to him, and guess what, God didn’t give him every answer up front. He was looking for someone who would trust him and follow him even when they didn’t know exactly what was in store. Later on, Abraham became the father of many nations and a true example of faith.

Maybe you are in a spot right now where you have NO EARTHLY IDEA what to do next. Let me remind you that God’s plan for your life has not altered even though your current perspective has. To further grow in your walk with Christ, you must learn to trust in his promises even when you experience circumstances that leave you without answers. Rest in this: your heavenly Father knows. He knows what is going to happen tomorrow. He knows where you will be in five years, ten years, and he won’t be surprised by any hiccups along the way.

Life is not predictable. There are blessings and trials along the way that we aren’t aware of right now. Although that can be intimidating, the good news is that God has a big overarching plan that would completely astound us if we knew every detail of it–and his plans for us are good.

Matthew 6:33-34 (NRSV)

33 But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

34 So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Hey, he has you. Everything is going to work out if you trust in him and continually seek him. His plan for you will prevail.

When You Fall

Alright, here we go. Here’s the account of one of the most embarrassing moments of life EVER.

So, I was speed walking to class one day, running a little late (if you know me at all, you know this can sometimes happen quite often), but I was determined to get to class on time. I was ALMOST THERE, and I only had three more stairs to walk up before I made it. THEN.

(ugh, this is the worst)

THEN, I tripped UP the stairs. At first I thought it could just be a little trip and maybe it would go unnoticed by mostly everyone. But of course not. Somehow this little trip turned into a massive slow-motion fall. My bag literally catapulted and everything inside came tumbling out. I landed on the ground with a pathetically loud “THUMP,” and since I landed so awkwardly, it took me a solid five seconds to even begin to get up.

By this time, the whole student body of ORU lets out a giant *gasp* behind me, and everyone starts asking if I’m okay while trying not to laugh (lol, I would’ve laughed). I got all of my things back in my bag and got up like a wounded rhinoceros, taking the long way to my Psych class. I went down four little hallways to avoid the main hallways of ORU, hoping no one would see me and I could limp to class secretly. But it didn’t matter!!!! Because the guy who was RIGHT BEHIND ME when I fell was in the same class, and we walked in at the exact same time. :)))))))) I. Melted. We did the whole, “Hey, I saw you trip and fall ten seconds ago” head nod and I sat down in my seat in the back of the classroom. That’s when I started laughing.

I didn’t laugh super loud because that would obviously be weird, but I laughed because I had tried so hard to prevent seeing anyone who had watched me fall…why did I have to do that? Everyone saw it happen. Worse things could have happened. But I was still so set on not seeing those people again. I didn’t wanna face anyone who saw me in a weak moment.

That’s when I realized I was being ridiculous. We have all fallen at some point. Maybe not up stairs, but we have in some way. Falling literally happens to everyone and although it can be embarrassing when it happens, it is not something that should make us feel inferior. IT’S LIFE.

But don’t we try so hard to avoid looking weak in front of people? We mask our insecurities, fears, and doubts with false confidence and fake happiness. Instead of relaxing and letting our guards down to be real with people, we feel as if we have to put up a front and pretend…even though we are all going through something, and we all could use each other’s help.

Last night, my friend Veronika spoke at my church, and at the end of her sermon she did something really cool. She had us all turn to the person next to us and simply encourage them. I turned to the person next to me and SOMEHOW me and this person ended up crying in a two minute conversation just because we were real with each other. We were honest about what we were going through and we didn’t fake anything. Do you know how freeing that was? To just put our guards down for just a second and be authentic? I wonder how much more healing could happen in our lives if we had more conversations like that. I wonder how much more we could help others if instead of trying to one-up each other over dinner or coffee, we told each other what we REALLY struggle with and offer encouragement.

Everyone falls. Everyone trips. But not everyone owns up to it and doesn’t let it define them. Not everyone allows others to help them up and laugh with them. Not everyone is honest with themselves when they fall–not everyone heals from their falls. Sometimes they let the wounds from a fall affect them for years. Sometimes a simple fall that could’ve been healed turns into a scar that no one ever sees.

This week, be honest with someone. Pull them aside and say, “Hey, I fell this week, and I need your help to get up.” Take off your mask for a second. Let your real self do the talking instead of your Instagram bio. Speak from your heart instead of from a tweet that will get endless likes. Let someone see the real you. When you let God be a part of that conversation, too, you’ll be amazed at what healing can take place. He honors your vulnerability and he will always heal what you offer to surrender to him.

He will never let you stay down if you reach for his hand when you fall. And that’s a promise.

When it rains…

Have you ever been driving in the rain and started thinking to yourself, “I really can’t even see right now but I bet I’m still in my lane (hopefully)…?” Or have you ever been running in the rain because you were trying to get to class or work on time and you ended up falling and looking like a drowned rat by the time you got there? OR BETTER YET, have you ever curled or God forbid STRAIGHTENED your hair, actually putting forth the effort that day, and you opened your front door and boom: flood. Good hair day–ruined.

Honestly, I really do love rain, or at least the sound and smell of it. I love falling asleep to it, I love watching it roll down windows, and I love hearing the thunder, too. I just don’t want it drenching me, that’s all. And when you have glasses, LISTEN it’s even worse because you basically just have to accept that you will be seeing the world through little water droplets for the whole day. Ugh.

Rain is so great in theory. It sounds wonderful, it’s needed, and it’s even therapeutic to some people; but, when you’re stuck in the middle of an unrelenting storm and all that you can see ahead is more rain, it’s not as appealing anymore.

If I’m being real with you (which is basically the whole point here), it’s been raining quite a bit in my life lately. I haven’t been just watching it through a window or hearing it outside my house, but I’ve been right in the middle of it, experiencing every part of it. If you’ve ever felt like this, you know it feels like it’s never going to stop, and that tomorrow it might even get worse and you might just be stuck in this storm forever.

For me, the rain began when my grandma was admitted to the hospital for her congestive heart failure. I really thought she was going to be okay and that she would make it, but then I got a call on my way to work on a Saturday that my sweet grandma had gone to Heaven. Everything stopped. My heart dropped and the world around me didn’t even exist in that moment. How could one sentence said in just a few seconds completely change everything? How could she actually be gone?

That’s when it poured. The grief, the anger, the despair…it all hit me in the next couple of weeks with an unrelenting surge of storms. My family was broken with heartache and we didn’t know how to comfort each other except to just be there somehow.

I remember being at my grandmother’s funeral and feeling numb. I was present, but I wasn’t there. I felt like at any moment I could fall over because the heaviness of what was before me was just too great. How do you say goodbye to someone who impacted you so much? How do you accept that they won’t ever hug you again, ever say, “I love you,” again, ever smile when you walk in the room again? How do you accept that you won’t ever hear her voice, her laugh, her prayers…how could it be so final? How could someone who loved so greatly and lived such a legacy just not be here?

This turmoil took a toll on me. You know that feeling when you cry so much that you honestly wonder how you have any more tears left? That’s where I was. I remember begging God to just fast forward this part of my life. God, take me out of this grief, take away this hurt, just don’t let me stay here in this moment. Don’t let me have to watch my family weep and see my sisters hurting. Don’t let me feel like I can’t say anything to comfort my mom, please, just let it be gone.

I know this is tough and deep, but if losing a loved one teaches you anything, it teaches you that death is real and ugly. BUT. It does not have the final say. It does not rule your life and it does not win.

I’m not gonna say that I feel the reassurance of that truth all of the time and that I’m past all of my grief, because that will take me awhile and I’m not gonna rush it at all; but, I will say this. I have found beauty in my rain.

I’ve learned that it is okay to hurt. It’s okay to weep, it’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to have doubts when life doesn’t make sense. Please don’t try to hide from the rain in your life and pretend the storm isn’t there…trust me, it’ll only get bigger. I’ve learned that with God’s help, I can stretch my arms out and let the rain fall, as long as I know he’s with me. I let myself feel that sadness, but only with the knowledge of God’s joy deep in my heart. I let myself mourn and miss my grandmother because that’s the healthy thing to do, but I know in my spirit that she’s home now…that’s how I have hope in the rain.

So many people came to my grandma’s funeral and to her graveside. She influenced many lives by just being the beautiful woman that she was. She was soft spoken, but she was a warrior because she believed in the power of prayer. She loved deeply and listen…she was a REALLY good cook. She was a friend to so many and she knew what was important in this life…she will be greatly missed, that’s for sure, but she is HOME. I know that for sure. And I’m so glad that the last words I ever got to speak to her were, “Grandma, I love you. You’re beautiful.” She really was oh so beautiful.

The recent rain in my life with my grandma’s passing has made me see things so differently. In that song, “Forever,” by Kari Jobe, the prechorus says, “Now death, where is your sting? Our resurrected king has rendered you defeated.” GOOSE BUMPS. Because of what Jesus did, death no longer holds its grip on us. Because of what He did, death is defeated!!! Even the most daunting thing on Earth has to answer to Him because He has WON. Because of what He did, my grandma is in Heaven, happier than she’s ever been. That holds so much hope for me. Now, because of the rain that has poured, though it has left its damage for sure, I can see, feel, and touch the hope.

You can’t prevent every storm. You can’t hide underneath an umbrella to avoid every drop. You can’t walk into class after you walked through the rain and not look drenched. BUT. You CAN make it, with God’s help and with the help of all of your friends and family around you. It’s okay to seek help, and it’s okay to let someone else feel the rain right beside you. It’s okay to realize that you may not be “okay” for awhile…just know that there is hope and there is a light for you. You don’t have to be in the rain alone.

Let the rain fall and let God speak to you through it. Let him show you his love even through the hurt. I’ll tell you one thing, it’s one thing to worship God in the sunshine, but it’s a totally different level of trust when you can worship him in the storm. But it means even more. “Forever” now holds such a special place in my heart because of this storm, and I know God will show himself to you and give you that special thing to hold on to, as well. When that does happen, never let it go.

You’re gonna make it through this. This storm will pass, after you feel the rain.

 

Sometimes you just have really, really hard days that can’t be prevented or predicted. Sometimes life hits you out of nowhere and makes you drop everything as time stands still. Sometimes heartache can knock the breath out of you before you even know what’s happened. Sometimes you can’t always be prepared for tomorrow.

These past couple of days have been a lot like that for me. My precious grandma was rushed to the hospital this past Sunday in Ft. Smith, AR, suffering from congestive heart failure that has gotten progressively worse in the past few months. My mom woke me up at 3:00 am that Sunday with the rest of the family and we hurried to make the trip to Arkansas that seemed so much longer than the couple hours that it really took. Everything in our lives came to a screeching halt and all that mattered was that we had to make it there in time. Thankfully, my grandma made it through this scare and is still hanging in there today, but when we arrived to be with the rest of the family in the waiting room that day, we weren’t sure if she was gonna make it. Emotion was obviously overtaking everyone, and the pure frailty of the situation made it difficult to even think straight. All we could do was pray and stay united as a family, knowing that even if the worse was to come, we would be there with her together.

When the doctors finally let us see her a few at a time, I thought I could be strong for my grandma and just smile and let her know I was there and that I loved her. But when I walked in and saw her hooked up to a ventilator, so weak and helpless, my heart broke into a million pieces and I could only say, “Hey, grandma,” before the tears started to flow. Her eyes brightened when she saw every member of her family and even though she could only nod her head, you could tell she was so happy to see the ones she loved.

My grandpa took this whole thing pretty hard too, of course, since he’s been married to her for 50 years and has lived most of his life with her by his side. I’ve never seen my grandpa really cry until that day, and although it was hard to see, I honored and admired the pure love and devotion that he had and still has for her. That kind of love is priceless, selfless, and isn’t just based on feelings, but on faith and commitment.

My mom has been and still is by my grandma’s side every day that she’s possibly able to and has done everything she can to make everything smoother. She’s been so selfless and has been the rock for a lot of my other family members who need someone to depend on. I’m so proud of her and I know my grandma has really appreciated having her there.

My grandma took another turn for the worse today and we all rushed back to be with her at the hospital she was still at, afraid that this time may truly be the last we would see her. Thankfully she was no longer hooked up to a ventilator but had a big oxygen mask on instead, so that when her family went to see her, we could at least make out the words she said to us. It was really hard seeing her like this, as well, because she struggled to get every syllable out and you could tell she was in a lot of pain. But, I got to tell her I loved her and she was beautiful, to which she replied “Yes, maybe on the inside. But that’s what matters, right?”

That’s the thing about my grandma. She’s unmistakably beautiful on the inside and the outside. On her second night at the hospital, she prayed for every single one of her children and grandchildren and she sang, thanking her Father for her many blessings. Even in some of her weakest moments, she was and still is still thinking of others. And that’s why she is loved by SO many, more than she could ever know.

Let me tell you something. The people you are close to in your life are so important. That’s an obvious statement, but we don’t always act as if we believe it. My grandma is the woman I aspire to be and one of my greatest role models. Every moment I’ve ever shared with her is one that I will always cherish. That’s why with all of the people in our lives that we love, we should always make sure to spend the time that we can with them. Make that phone call or trip to their house that you’ve been meaning to make and just listen for awhile when they talk to you. I promise you, you won’t regret it.

It is great to know in the midst of all of this that we have hope. I am so thankful that God has my family in his hands and hears every prayer we pray. I know I’m not alone and I know for sure that my grandma is not alone. He has never failed us, and he won’t start now.

These times are hard. We never know what tomorrow will bring and when life is so feeble to be only hanging by a thread, it’s easy to feel hopeless. But, in the midst of everything, I know that we DO have hope. We will always have hope.

Whatever you’re going through, whether it’s similar to this situation or completely different, just know that you’re not alone. There are people around you who know how you feel and who need strength like you do, too. These days happen, and sometimes there really is nothing we can do. But it will be okay.

I’m thankful tonight that I got to spend another day with my grandma and that she is still here making a difference while she can. I’m thankful that God’s love is visible even in the storm. I’m thankful that I don’t have to have every answer to rest tonight.

But most of all, I’m thankful that in everything, I have hope.

CAR PROBS. :/

I know as much about cars as I know about how to do makeup (which is absolutely nothing 🙂 ) so when I had car trouble this past weekend, I was basically like someone who only knows how to make cereal on the cooking show, “Chopped” (underrated show, pls watch if you can!!!)

This is what happened. I was on my break at work and decided to go through the Taco Bell drive through (weak moment, I know). All of the sudden, I realized that my window wouldn’t go back up and all of these random lights were flashing in my car! Naturally, I started freaking out, but thankfully I managed to pull over in a parking lot, take the key out of the ignition, and try to start it again to realize….it wasn’t gonna start. :))))

I thought it was the battery because as mentioned above, I know nothing about cars, but it turns out it was the alternator…and yes, I just had the pleasure of actually learning what that is this past weekend!!!!!!! So, I made a few calls for someone to come rescue me and  walked a few blocks back to work after my car was towed. That’s when I realized that the “few blocks” were a much greater distance than I anticipated and that maybe consistent exercise isn’t as absolutely terrible as it sounds and Taco Bell is just as terrible as it sounds. I thought to myself when I finally made it work: “I am glad there are people out there who know what they’re doing with cars because people like me are in desperate need of them.”

I’ve had so many moments like this one in which I’ve realized that I definitely do not know everything and I NEED people. With my car situation, it was easy to admit that I knew nothing about cars because I knew people who did and who would take care of me. I could swallow my pride and ask for help because I knew there was no way I could fix any of it on my own.

It’s so obvious with things like cars to realize that we need some serious help sometimes. So why is it so hard to realize that we ALSO need serious help in the rest of our lives, as well? Newsflash, pals: absolutely no one can be a pro at EVERYTHING. That means that we are all going to face something that we cannot possibly conquer on our own at some point.

I’ve caught myself compromising my emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical health because I’ve been too proud to reach out for help, and I’ve realized that that’s not only ignorant, but it can also be extremely prideful. How could I ever think that I could face this insane, crazy, and hectic life alone??? No one can! I know that part of the problem was because I thought no one could possibly understand and no one could get where I was coming from, but that’s not true either. God places people in our lives at exactly the right moments to help us along the way and to understand when we need them the most; however, if we aren’t even willing to look, we’ll never see them.

I’m an extrovert. 100%. I love people and I love talking to them; yet, I’ve still been guilty of not opening up to anyone because of having a general distrust for everyone and being too proud to let someone else know that I wasn’t okay. It was a prison for me, one that I had created all on my own. I wasn’t made to be isolated, and it started to show when all I ever did was isolate myself. But MAN. God put some absolutely AMAZING and SPECIFIC people in my life who could see through me and convince me through his love that being open, honest,  and vulnerable were some of the best things I could do. You see, there is no healing is isolation. Isolation creates even more wounds while other wounds continue to worsen. But right when we decide to let someone see our wounds and help us heal, we choose strength, boldness, and hope. What’s even more amazing is that when we decide to become real with ourselves and accept the help we so desperately need, we not only become healthier, but we also build community and become a beacon to others in need, as well.

I don’t know who the “mechanic” is that you need to call today because you can’t face your car problems alone; but, I can promise you this–the sooner you call them and admit you need help, the sooner you can walk back to work and start healing…and the sooner you can help others, too.

Stagnant.

One time I got a REALLY BAD cramp in my hamstring while “jogging” to class.

Actually, it was more of a speed walk. And it was really embarrassing. It was my senior year in high school and I hadn’t been working out…like at all. And one day, on my way to English class, it caught up with me. I collapsed in my desk and literally had to be WHEELCHAIRED out afterwards because I couldn’t stand up without falling down like a wounded hippo. And what did I say to everyone who saw me and was like, “MAN what happened?” I had to say, “Oh, it’s nothing really, I just got a cramp by jogging three steps to class.”

I justified not working out in high school at that specific time because I had so much going on. And I feel like that now in college, too…I feel like I am so incredibly busy with all of these responsibilities and obligations and all I do is go, go, go…but God has shown me recently that even though I may think that I’m constantly going and getting so much done, my spiritual life is kind of like my hamstring in high school..it’s stagnant and not “going” at all. (ouch :/)

Have you ever been to a waterfall? MAN. I love waterfalls. And I’ve only been to one small one and another bigger one in Oklahoma, but those two moments of watching water flow continuously were some of my absolute favorites of all time. They were so beautiful..I could have just sat there and listened to the water pour for hours.

That’s how I want to be. I don’t want to be a stagnant pond that has nothing coming in or going out. Even worse, I don’t want to be a stubborn stagnant pond that doesn’t see the filth around me and isn’t motivated to change it. That’s a scary place to be.

There’s always a reason why we become stagnant. Certain things may happen to us, either good or bad, and we decide that it’s okay to stay where we are instead of working to become better. For example….about a month ago I got into a pretty bad car accident on the highway going 70 mph. It was my own fault, but thankfully no one got hurt. For weeks afterwards I cried any time I saw a car accident and got anxious every time I drove past the spot I wrecked. Pair this situation with school, work, and other responsibilities and you have a very VERY stressed Miranda. I felt like my life was spiraling out of control (again) and I couldn’t catch a break.

Another example: I love being a part of the worship team at my church so much. And it’s a wonderful opportunity and position, but I have found myself treating church worship sets as my only worship time with God instead of having that personal, REAL, intimate time with him. I’ve let a position cause me to stop putting in my own spiritual work. OUCH. Stagnant.

It would’ve been good for me to step back and cry out to God in these moments and do the work to set aside time to be with him. Instead, I isolated myself and stopped the flow of his presence in my life. That’s when I became stagnant. I started going through the motions and simply completing all of my tasks without God’s agenda in mind. And man, I became that green, stagnant pond. Not a good place. AT ALL.

You see, no one wants to go to a stagnant pond. People want to be around a place that is flowing and feels alive. I mean, it’s okay to have moments of breakdown and realize that you can’t do this alone– but it’s not okay to stop working towards growth. That’s when complacency creeps in and you lose the wonder of learning more and growing more and affecting more people. A stagnant pond is comfortable and never feels the need to change–but a stagnant pond never changes people. 

You know those people you love being around because they have so much to give? They are always willing to set time aside for you and you never feel like they’re in a rush to get through a conversation? Those people aren’t like that just because…they can let love flow outward because they let God’s love flow in on a consistent basis.

I’m reminding myself this week of my first love. I’m reminding myself of how passionate I used to be about God’s work in my life. I want to offer more to others, but I have to be willing to accept what God has to offer first. I need to learn to love out of overflow and not out of a stagnant source of love that is suffering.

God rocks, though. He’s always willing to take a stagnant pond and turn it into a beautiful waterfall. ALWAYS. There’s never a moment that he decides to leave you as you are if you’re willing to let him change you. I mean, come on, he made all those waterfalls we see, how much more can he make something incredible out of us? 🙂

 

what will I wear today????

I am awful at shopping.

Especially by myself. I feel like everyone in the store is watching me and judging what I pick and then I start doubting my own decision, when in reality…it was just a pair of socks, how could I go wrong??? But honestly, this is a true struggle for me. Once, I was shopping for a dress for a formal dance all alone and I literally stared at a rack of dresses for about ten minutes. When I finally picked a dress, I tried it on and laughed at myself in the dressing room because I looked quite literally like a squash. I finally caved and called a friend to come save me. But it’s not even just shopping! Picking an outfit for every day is also quite difficult. I am not ashamed to admit that I STILL ask my sister (Chandra) to pick my outfits for me sometimes…because I CANNOT decide. Listen, I’m stuck with that outfit all day, one wrong decision and the whole day…is toast.

I know, I know, I’m ridiculous and I shouldn’t care as much. One day, however, in the midst of all of my indecisiveness, something clicked in my head…maybe not so much a revelation, but something that really made sense.

A constant struggle that everyone faces in this world is with thoughts. Throughout the day we have A TON of thoughts flowing through our brains and chances are, a lot of them are negative.  I’ll share a few of mine with you. (this is where I get real with ya)

“I need to stop eating cocoa pebbles for dinner. I am not five years old.”

“I’m always late. WHY do I always sleep past my alarm? Now everyone in class will shun me for being late. I’ll never be able to actually be on time to anything.”

“I’m such a procrastinator. I’ll always be this way, I will always be playing catch-up with all of my classes.”

“I always make this mistake. I will never get past it.”

“I’m not enough. I will never be enough. For anyone.”

Okay, those thoughts are EXTREMELY negative, but maybe one of them you can relate to. So how do clothes fit in? I realized one day that our brains are like closets and our thoughts are like outfits. When we wake up, we decide what outfit (or what thought) we put on. Sometimes that outfit we pick is shame. We decide that we will wear that gloomy, frumpy, heavy outfit all day because that’s all we see in out closet of thoughts–shame. Sometimes we pick negativity, hopelessness, despair, sadness, bitterness, guilt…And sometimes we wear those outfits for so long that we think they are who we are.

But they’re not. Shame is not who you are. You are not guilt, you are not hopelessness, you are not despair or bitterness. Those thoughts and those clothes that you choose to wear are hiding who you really are and who your Father wants you to be. I wonder how God would change our wardrobes if we let him…? He would show us clothes of honor and hope. Clothes of happiness and joy, found in the redemption of his mercy. Those outfits would show the best of us. They wouldn’t show perfection, but they would show how imperfections can become beautiful if God has anything to do with it. I believe he would show us that though our pasts are still there, WE DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR THEM. Your past is not an outfit that you have to wear for the rest of your life–it’s an opportunity for God to show up and produce the greatest victory. 

Now, I can see some people saying that they have been dealt some really bad cards in life and they don’t really have control over their wardrobes. I know what it’s like to have something truly awful happen to you and come into your wardrobe and paint a darkness on every outfit. I accepted this for a long time and only wore the sad things. BUT. God came in my wardrobe (kinda like in what not to wear hehe) and was like “HEY. I know this terrible thing happened to you. But it does not determine what you wear. NO ONE else picks your closet, unless you let them.” And there he went, painting many new gorgeous colors and turning my filthy rags into something magnificent. What’s important here is that my situation was not my outfit, and my outfit was not my identity. My situation is in God’s hands, my outfit is the result of his mercy, and my identity is a loved daughter, a work in progress.

My prayer is that this spoke to you in some way. Maybe your wardrobe needs a complete do over and you didn’t even realize it. Maybe your outfit is dreary right not and you need God’s help. It takes time! Any healing process does. It’ll take awhile for you to let go of shame because let’s face it, we get attached to our clothes, even when we’ve worn them out. But let me tell you, friend, outfits that God chooses have to be so much better than what we choose. I know this because I know he only wants the best for us. And that’s what I rest in today.

Gah, he’s good. So good. 🙂

 

It will be okay again.

It’s that time of year. Sickness is rampant and I’m in the midst of it, man.

LISTEN. For the past couple of months I’ve had to deal with the annoying issue of ear infections that completely throw off any sort of equilibrium in my life. And whenever you go the doctor, which is a three hour treat in itself, especially if you choose urgent care 🙂 , they always give you antibiotics. No biggie, right, just take some pills? WHALE. It’s kind of an issue for me, because these pills are humongous and I am completely incompetent when it comes to taking them.

One day I was taking one of them with just a small sip of whatever, and BOOM. It got caught in my throat. So I literally sprinted from my room into the kitchen to grab some more water while the disgusting pill is dissolving…DISSOLVING. Finally I got it down but man. It tasted so awful. Gah, this has been an ongoing problem. In fifth grade I went to the nurse’s office to get medicine for a headache and I literally chewed the pill because I couldn’t swallow it….I honestly don’t know how I did it.

But right now I’m definitely in that “trying to swallow a pill but it’s dissolving please send help SOS SOS SOS” stage in my life. A new semester is here and that means I just got 10x busier than I already was. I’m still getting over things that happened to me seven months ago…some of life’s pills are just so much harder to swallow. They leave a bitter taste in your mouth and honestly leave you thinking, “Will I ever be okay again?”

That’s when we have to decide to run. Run to your water source. Even better, run to living water! God never promised that we wouldn’t have to swallow some pills in life, but he DID promise that we would never have to do it alone. 

Not only do you have God, who is your ultimate source of comfort, but you also have your family and your friends. YO. Never ever underestimate the value and the love that your social support group offers. One of the most important things that they tell you in counseling sessions is that when you face extremely trying times in life, one of the best things you can do is surround yourself with the people who love you. Never try to face anything by yourself. You were never created to do that!! No one is ever meant to suffer alone.

When I went through a rough patch a few months ago because of failed relationships and a true feeling of loss, I didn’t tell ANYONE what I was truly going through for a whole month. I suffered through every feeling and moment of loneliness with no friend or family member by my side…every painful thought was emphasized even more because I didn’t share it with my family or friends…not because I didn’t want to, but because I never gave them the opportunity to listen. I fully regret that. I wish I would’ve became real right at the start and got help instead of blindly facing my reality on my own. Once I surrounded myself with my family and friends, I felt more empowered and felt that I could make it. I was going to be okay again.

Even better is the fact that lately I’ve rekindled some friendships with some truly amazing people because we’re going through the same things. And you know what? It rocks. It’s truly wonderful to DO LIFE with your people. I’m telling you, you won’t regret it.

The next time you find yourself swallowing another pill in this life, remember two things:

1. You have people who are more than willing to help you. But you have to tell them what you’re going though first.
2. It will be okay. One day, it will be okay.

2017

I swear, every other tweet or instagram post I see is about how 2016 was just so awful and how this new year is going to be a brand new start where everything changes and things will somehow get better. And I want to be annoyed about it all (especially at those filpagrams that somehow still exist) but deep down I agree and I get it.

Let me tell you about a very scary thing that happened to me in 2016. (no this isn’t serious but it’s true and just wait, I’ll get there)

It was late. Real late. And for some reason I couldn’t fall asleep because wow, I’m just such a pro at that, honestly. And SUDDENLY. I heard a monstrous and horrendously loud noise from OUTSIDE MY WINDOW. Like any human being with no sense at all, instead of looking out my window to see what the sound could be, I instead looked it up on my phone in pure terror. I promise you, I literally googled, “What is this noise outside my window that sounds like someone is scraping metal against the grass???” Honestly I think it was an A/C unit or something (I have no idea) but in that moment I was so scared that I fell asleep with a lamp on beside my bed.

Now, why did I tell you that ridiculous story?? Because sometimes that’s how I feel about 2016/2017.

If I’m being 100% completely honest right now and just gave it to you straight, I would tell you that I am pretty unhappy about some things that took place in 2016. Some things just really went wrong and hit me in a way that I didn’t know how to deal with (kinda like with the sound outside my window). If you would’ve told me at the beginning of 2016 that some of those things would have taken place, I wouldn’t have believed you for one second. So yeah, that makes me pretty scared for this upcoming year. What if more things like that happen? Surely nothing worse could happen…right? This new year HAS to be better…right???? You see, I think sometimes we put super high expectations on a new year just because it’s a new number and we don’t realize that it’s not the new year that changes us. I have painfully realized that a new date on my calendar does not change the situations I’m in. A new year doesn’t mean everything from last year is erased…it’s still there. So that makes me even MORE afraid. All the pressure seems to have shifted from the numbers 2017 and onto ME.

I know this might sound a tad pessimistic, but people who have gone through some serious storms this year understand. It is SCARY to take on a new year when you have last year’s mistakes replaying in the forefront of your mind. It is TERRIFYING to think about trying to start over when last time you did that, a lot of things went wrong. It’s very intimidating to be facing something new when all that’s within you begs you to somehow make this one work. Somehow, don’t taint this beautifully new year with your painfully dirty regrets. Somehow, make relationships work this year instead of ruining them.

^^ That’s the kind of stuff that has been going through my head recently. And thank the GOOD LORD ALMIGHTY that he doesn’t let those thoughts run wild and he actually smacks some sense into me. Yes, facing this year is scary. But man, don’t let last year get in the way of this moment. If you worry so much about your past and your future, you never experience the joy of the present. If all your life you’re wishing to go back to change something or move forward to get past something, you will never appreciate the moment you are in–and that makes for one very unhappy person. Learn to trust God every new day, not just with a new year.

I sometimes picture God chuckling at everyone working out in the gym in January, knowing full well they’ll be out in a couple weeks (Me). But I think he weeps for people who tell themselves to get it together this year and fix it themselves instead of turning to him for new mercy. Actually, I think God feels that every day. I think he truly feels the deepest sorrow for people who put everything on themselves for them to change their situations and the people around them when he is more than willing to take control.

This is all I have to say: never ever let any moment of your life–your past, your future, or your present, be something that you never let the light see. It takes exposure to learn from your mistakes, and God is so ready to teach you.

Watch. When you place 2017 in the hands of the one who made time, things will start to make sense.

Happy New Year! Trust him.